Humble….humble…humble. M3 is in a pickle! Since my last post on Social Consciousness and stopping the pain, I believe M3 has ruffled some parents’ feathers at Mo’s school; hopefully not irrevocably. I can’t quite put my finger on it… but I felt a chill during our Mother’s Day Tea on Friday. Not really sure why… but it existed. For fear of sounding paranoid, I felt the need to clarify some things. First and foremost, let me be clear, I do not think my child is perfect, nor do I think she is the only “victim” –as matter of fact after hearing about an event that happened yesterday during aftercare, I can attest that she isn’t.
Yesterday afternoon Fantabulous Amanda informed me that there was a kerfuffle on the playground and “someone was hurt” and somehow Mo’ was involved. It seemed benign, as many details were lacking, during the first telling and Mo’ temporarily slithered away from the Mommy Inquisition. It wasn’t until this morning during my shift at the Hospital, when SuperHubs called me to tell me more about the incident as relayed by a concerned parent. A sweet little girl had her hair pulled; a pony tail was pulled and A LOT hair was missing. It was stated that Mo’ was involved but no one knew how; but that she may have been the one responsible for the extreme hair pulling. No one was sure. Several parents then met with the Principal this morning to discuss the supervision during after care and talked about the bullying on the playground. BRAVO, by the way, diligent parents. SuperHubs and I wished that we could’ve been there to voice our concerns and hear the other’s concerns.
Since we weren’t at this talkand many details were missing, I immediately came home from work and cornered Mo’ and asked her what happened. She explained, ineloquently, that they were sitting on the playground, playing Truth or Dare and two children were “required to kiss” (holy shit… my heart was racing). She then furthered on to tell me that all of the kids in the circle piled onto the sweet girl and her hair was pulled. Mo didn’t know how, or who did it. “Did you pull that child’s hair?” I asked Mo’ directly and sternly. Mo’ was scared and nervous, and wasn’t exactly telling me everything. I could most certainly feel the half-truth. Doubt immediately entered the building for sure. Coming to the realization that your child has hurt another child, and wasn’t being forthright about it, is a very hard pill to swallow. But swallow, I did. Gulp. She cried, wiggled, and paced, telling me that “everyone was blaming her, and she was innocent.” Red Flag #2.
Now I know that when there is smoke there is a fire, and if “all the kids” were hinting that she hurt this child, then there may be some truth to it [in some capacity]. How do you teach your child that if she was involved in something, in a limited capacity, by proximity, by omission, and/or by direct aggressions she needs to apologize and accept FULL responsibility for that pain? I’m not quite sure, as fleshing out the truth from ANY 8 year old child is difficult, how Mo’ was involved – BUT I am positive that she was involved.
So here is what we do… [M3 walking the walk] Mo was told that under no uncertain terms should she be jacking around on the playground. She will be writing an apology letter to the child who was hurt, the child’s parents were called and apologized to by us (M3 and SuperHubs) for the wrong doing, and the delay in discovering our child’s culpability. Mo’ was additionally advised, heretofore, that NO ONE should be kissing or playing Truth or Dare. No touching period should be going on. Full Stop.
Our dilemma. None. We discovered that our child was involved in hurting another child. Fix it. Teach our child right from wrong is our first responsibility; let other parents know that were are involved directly in righting that wrong and are concerned with ALL THE CHILDREN’S WELFARE.
There are some parents who read what I wrote and believe that I’m just pointing fingers. Nope. I am trying to bring solution to the problem. Kids are running amuck and up to silliness. They say and do things that hurt – even MINE. We as parents have only been concentrating on how our child is the victim and not paying attention to where the smoke is coming from, especially if it rises from our own house. I stated in my last post that we need to teach our child to admit when wrong. To apologize when there is pain and we are the cause; to collaborate [amicably] as parents, teachers, and leaders to fix the problem of bullying. I did not mean in everyone else’s house, but mine.
Mo’ has been punished. Mo’ has been taught that we don’t hurt, and if we do hurt (if even by accident) we still accept responsibility and make it right – until correction is no longer warranted. We walk with our head held high, and behave as if we have sense (as a leader, not lacking compassion, and with love for everyone). I am very thankful to the parents’ of this little girl for being understanding, reaching out peacefully, and having an open heart when we called them and stated “we think our child was involved in hurting your child and we want to make it right”.
What a day at the M3 household. I now must go and sit back and watch our child “live with the result” of being in the wrong. Hopefully this will be a lesson she will never forget.
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